The Human Spirit.

My poor little emotions are in overdrive today.  Sometimes, I just want to cry.  It's in those times that I need to remind myself of the truth in this reality. 

My brother is a brilliant man.  Bloody brilliant.  Not too long ago he said to me, "As much fluoride as they put in the water to dumb us down, as much GMO food they feed us, as much refined sugar we consume, as impoverished and ignorant that they make us. YOU CAN'T FUCK WITH THE HUMAN SPIRIT. We're beautiful."

We.

Are.

Beautiful.

Life can be rough.  It gets painful, and sad, and lonely.  We are an incredible species though.  The human mind inspires me.  With our strength, endurance, inventions, intelligence, spirituality, possibilities, humans are capable of anything we put our minds to.  This big magnificent magical world is absolutely astonishing, and we LIVE in it.  My brother inspires me.  He is a go-getter.  I am so immensely proud of the man he has grown into, and the growth he continues to strive towards.  He is the type of person who chose to educate himself.  Endless research, hours upon hours reading and listening and digging and learning.  I can say I try to educate myself and I read as much as I can.  I try, I really do, but I get side tracked, I get sleepy and lazy and uninterested at times.  I can't say that for him.  I enjoy trying to live up to his example. 


Myself, Aaron, and Andrea.

With my emotions in overdrive I sometimes get caught up in the little things, the insignificant things.  After all, Christmas is just another day.  Most people scarcely appreciate their family until Thanksgiving or Christmas roll around.  My family on the other hand.  We love, we talk, we share, we appreciate, we say the things that are sometimes hard to say.  Despite being without my family on Christmas, I felt their love.  "Sometimes, the people that are a thousand miles away from you can make you feel better than the people that are right beside you."

My brother Aaron decided he wanted to go to a meditation course in Brazil, he currently lives in Argentina.  At the drop of a hat he hitch hiked there.  I'm impressed with him.  That's the same motivation that Christopher Columbus had when he decided to sail to the other side of the world, and discovered the America's.  The same spark of "I'm going to do this" that Benjamin Franklin had when he decided to go out in a thunder storm with a kite!  The shining bright light that is within each of us should be worked towards. 

I took a page out of my brothers book, small, albeit lovely.  I took the Mayans advice on 12/21/2012 to live like there is no tomorrow, and I drove to Coronado, California.  Completely spur of the moment.  It was an incredible trip, and because of it I got to stand in the ocean and watch dolphins jump out of the water and swim about, playing, not even 100 feet from me. 

Life is great.

We.

Are.

Beautiful.

Fink.

I've been watching Lie To Me on Netflix.  A show about the science of reading facial expressions, body language, manipulators, macroexpressions and such.  I find it immensely fascinating.  Anywho, they played a song and it totally sparked something in me.  So I searched it.  I have officially discovered Fink.  I have found my new obsession.



Solitude - Serhatdemiroglu

When Fin sings, "The things that keep me alive, keep me alone."  I can relate.  It burned something in me, maybe that bit of sadness that always lurks with me in my solitude.  I care so passionately about so many things, things that most others seem to find so insignificant.  The things that keep me alive.

It keeps me alone. 

Reading, learning, exploring... these things keep me alive.  Being compassionate, donating, volunteering, hiking mountainsides, signing petitions... these things keep me alive.  Recycling, turning the water off while I brush my teeth or soap the dishes, turning lights off when they aren't in use... these things keep me alive.  I am outcasted because of it.  These things keep me alone. 

My dog is my happiness.  I am a proud momma, and humans have shown me the cycle of disappointment and unreliability.  I value my relationship with my dog more than most of my human relationships.  Long walks, fetch, cuddling, teaching new tricks... these things keep me alive, &they keep me alone. 

I'd love to change that, I can't sacrifice my priorities for possibilities though.  I can't put my self worth on pause for the small possibility that someone might stick around.  So I keep the things that keep me alive, even if it keeps me alone.

Contemplation - Guillermo Carballa

"The monotony and solitude of a quiet life stimulates the creative mind." -Albert Einstein.

If I'm Lost at Sea

I'm not to sure why this song impacted me so much.  I love the idea though.  Knowing that soon enough I will be off "going nowhere, but nowhere is somewhere to me."

That need to go, to flee, to run and jump, to experience and learn, meet new places, see new faces... It calls to me in .e.v.e.r.y. waking moment.

"Everyone, everywhere is taking their time but going no where,
I

can't

live

my

life

on

their

time
I just had to run away"

Everyday we wake up we go to work we go home we run our errands we get sucked into the endless soulsucking pit of the media... taking our time and going nowhere.  I can't do it.  It is as if my body physically rejects the idea.  I don't have a TV, I don't have an mp3 or an iPod, I recently had to buy a computer for school but I hated doing it.  I prefer to climb a tree and breath in the fresh air and enjoy the view from up there...

I can't live my life on their time.
I just have to run away.

"If I'm lost at sea,
Tell my mother, my father, my sisters, my brother,
My friends and my foes, and all my past lovers,
That I will miss them so.
But lord, I had to go."

Overthinking.

I am 20 years young and as I learn more I realize that Ralph W. Sockman was right when he said, "The larger the island of knowledge is, the longer the shoreline of wonder."

I'm thirsty for knowlege, wisdom, experience, adventure, adrenaline, and even more so I am hungrier to make it happen NOW.  I'm impatient.  I'm 20, it's understandable that I want to travel the world NOW, I want to start changing people's lives NOW, I want to be successful NOW.  At the same time, I want to find someone to love and love me back, NOW.  I can't though.

Time is a ball and chain.  Whats weird about time is that while it is a ball and chain slowing us down, it is also a propellant pushing us forward as moments rush past us... simultaneously.

Sometimes, being 20 years young sucks because I do not understand the concept of just HOW much time I have ahead of me.  Of course I could die at any moment and have no time left, but for the average person we have our whole lives ahead of us at 20. 

I live in Utah.  Utah is filled with Mormons.  Mormons graduate high school and get married to return missionaries and start having children.  The rest of us here in the state feel rushed and lonely because all of our old classmates and neighbors and friends are married and having children and starting their lives (more like ruining them but whatev).  We feel like we are being left behind, like we'll never find the "one".

When I find myself feeling that way sometimes I just have to remind myself that unfortunately society sucks.  We have a lot of growing to do, just because we are in Utah and everyone gets married and starts poppin' out kids right after high school doesn't mean its a smart idea, I need to be patient. I can't lower my bar just to accept more candidates in hopes I'll find him.  I need to keep my chin held high and my standards higher.

I need to pick a path.  I can't travel, and save the world, and have a stable family all once.  Those fantasies cannot coexist.  I like my two year plan.  I like the idea of re-evaluating my desires when I finish my associates. 

All in all, I need to stop overthinking and just take the advice I give.

Beginnings.

"Beginnings are usually scary and endings are usually sad but its everything in between that makes it all worth living."

"When one door closes another one opens."

"Every beginning comes from some other beginning's end."

I'm trying to look at this as a new beginning, I can't negate my sadness though.
My ex-neighbor is moving... I'm not going to try too hard to explain that.  All in all, about 7 months ago I moved in next door to the most wonderful human being I've had the opportunity to share time with, one who brought color and electricity to my life.  He travels from one place to another every few months or so with his company which I knew from the start, and which is why we didn't get involved.  Well, he ended up moving from next door to about a mile or two down the road, hence the ex-neighbor.  We are more than friends, but we are less than lovers, so I haven't a clue as to what to refer to him as so I call him ex-neighbor.  In my mind I actually refer to him as my traveler...  I am going to miss him.  I refuse to say any emotions out loud, or even in my own mind, and I refuse to hear them.  It would be harder to hear his words resonating in my mind forever like wounded soldiers cries once we say goodbye.  He makes it sound as though we'll stay in contact, I'm not too confident in that.  He meets a lot of people, he goes many different places, and I don't expect to be another person on his pen pal list, either way it wouldn't be the same.  I hope he remembers where I am. <3  I wrote "Traveler" in August.  The only thing that has changed since I've written it is that I know he cares for me now, he's not pretending. &&Now it's over, as quickly as it began it is ending.

Lifestyle Changes

So, I'm a bit of a rollercoaster ride.  Maybe its the Taurus-Sagittarius in me.  Maybe I'm just a bit cookoo.  What really matters is that I am aware of it and I try to keep it under control.  I get depressed sometimes, though.  Mind fogging, heart drowning, gut twisting, lung draining depression that makes me about as useful as a screw with a stripped head.  My house gets dirty, so freaking dirty, my dishes pile up, my dirty laundry everywhere, I eat worse, I get less sunshine, and sometimes I even neglect to get my dog as much exercise as he deserves thus reducing my own exercise.  When I realize how awful my place looks is usually when I realize I need a slap in the face.  I'm alone though, no one is here to slap some sense into me.  My parents and siblings are in a different hemisphere, my friends couldn't care less to call, let alone come visit, and I'm all alone.  So I usually pop some popcorn and go back to my crumb filled bed and continue soaking in misery until I have to wake up in the morning for work and put my happy face on. 

My depression comes in bursts. 
Whats crazy about it is I am very well aware of the fact that sunshine causes changes in the hypothalamus which influences depression, eating healthy gives your brain the nutrition it needs to function properly which helps fight depression, exercising triggers endorphins to fight depression as well, and coming home to a clean house always feels good; especially if it smells good.  So, when I get into my bursts of depression, for whatever reason, my actions create a snowball effect trapping me in my misery and self loathing. 


“Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low
self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact,
just surrounded by assholes.” ― William Gibson

Recently, I have been doing wonderfully, though.  I'm single, I've stayed single and am a staying single for the first time in almost 8 years that I've been single this long.  I finally let go of the men I had allowed my heart to cling to.  Chains and baggage finally dropped to the floor.  I've also released the tight hold I've had on my friends from Roy.  I realize that sometimes people are only supposed to be there for that time of your life, then you move on.  I'll still be here for them if they need me, but I am aware that they don't need me and its been refreshing to let go.  I've also been jogging and doing a quick work-out before work, taking my dog out on walks.  I'm starting school and still loving my job.  I'm doing great!  On Sunday Jack and I went to Liberty Park for the drum circle and people watched, it was amazing.  On top of things going well over all, I've been forcing myself to clean up and keep tidy each and every day.  I've even been flossing!  My nails are nicely painted bright red, and my eyebrows are tweezed.  I know that sounds silly, but taking care of myself helps keep my depression at bay for longer periods of time.  I have to keep it up.  &&I'm proud of myself.  Maybe I was "in fact, just surrounded by assholes" and I too was one of those assholes.  I pick on myself way too much.  I'm happy for these changes. 

I'm happy.

Golden Memories &&Skylines

Beautiful Golden Skylines

"Reading gives us a place to go when we have to stay where we are."

 

If I could go back to a single time of my life when I felt the most peace and acceptance in myself and of my own life, I would go back to a day in Falcon, Venezuela.  It was raining so hard it was as if the sky was falling.  I was sitting on the top bunk, just a few feet away from the zinc ceiling with an incense lit to repel what few bugs it could.  The bed stood apart from the walls to prevent even more bugs from climbing onto the bed. 

There were mosquitoes and moths flying around the light bulb mounted on the wall next to me, and I had a book propped open in front of me about a man's journey through the rain forest.  I was sitting in a tiny little cement walled house with slats for windows so bugs came and went as they pleased, and the rain pounded so loudly on the zinc above me that I could barely hear myself think.  I remember the overwhelming smell of nature and rain that I love, and I remember being couped up hundreds of miles away from anything even resembling a city, and I was with my family. 

The closest town to here is Corralito, Venezuela

Those were wonderful long days filled by passing time in the heat with my siblings and my parents.  We all helped work on the territory, though it was mostly my parents, we'd sit under the trees in the shade, playing scrabble and Nintendo 64 trying to save the princess from the castle.  I remember helping mommy sweep the ceilings, walls, and floors each and every day; and no matter what we'd have to do it again the next day.  Waking up each morning to a rooster crowing, birds chirping, and the room starting to heat up like an oven. 

I remember sweating and laughing and picking limes off of the lime tree, the baby goats across the fence made of long logs, they cried like human babies do.  I remember staring into the sky scraper trees and trying to count the different species that came and went, there were so many though.  Once, while daddy was out working on the land, he came across a baby lamb that was injured and suffering.  So he put it out of its misery with his machete and we made soup!  A big huge pot over a camp fire standing above the fire on cement bricks. 

I loved it there, I don't think I've ever been in a place that I love more.  Maybe it was being so surrounded by such undisturbed, breath taking beautiful nature, maybe it was being so isolated with no one but my siblings and parents that I so adore and enjoy.  Sharing jokes, and memories, voicing opinions and expanding ideas together.  Working together, and working hard.  We'd get sweaty, blistered, and our muscles worked  hard almost every day. 

The most adventurous day we had together was when we were building a fence.  My dad went around with a chain saw and cut down the thickest branches, we finished them off with a machete and made a huge pile.  Then, we each picked one of these heavy ass logs up, and walked for miles to where they needed to be put up.  We were so sore, and in pain, and itchy, oh my god so freaking itchy, but we felt so good when we got home.  Mom made some limeade, and we laughed together feeling accomplished. 

I guess what I loved most was the lifestyle, it made me appreciate the little things.  It rained more often than not and when it did, it poured.  Going out in the rain was like standing beneath a waterfall.  That specific rainy night though, I had time for me.  At times we felt shuttered in, isolated and stuck.  That night I got time to escape, I had time for the incense and the book, and the heavy thudding ear strumming rain while chillin' on a bunk bed away from all the walls to prevent bugs from getting in bed.  I felt like I was in a lone tower.  I think about it, and I remember the smells that surrounded me, and the emotion of being there. 

I wish I could go back. 

My handsome hero, Poppa Bear.

  

"Frugality is one of the most beautiful and joyful words in the English language, and yet one that we are culturally cut off from understanding and enjoying. The consumption society has made us feel that happiness lies in having things, and has failed to teach us the happiness of not having things." ~Elise Boulding

You Gotta Keep Your Head Up!

On July 14th of 2009 I wrote a poem, that day I was hopeless and depressed. 

Say it
Fake it
Make the whole world believe your lies
Smile broadly
Enjoy your laugh
Hide your tears
Deny your past
Ignore your screaming thoughts at night
Pretend your safe in bed
This - today - is your new life
This is how it will remain.
-By Diana C Romay



I was unmovitaved with a hard heart and trying to accept what I was to endure.  Then when I came home to the US I began to strive towards something better and it has been such a slow and painful trek.  Often times I have felt like I'm standing still.  As though I've been in a row boat with one broken oar and trying to get to my destination going against the wind.  I've been pushed back multiple times.  Two years after my lonesome and treacherous journey began I finally got on my feet with an apartment and a car.  Now 3 full years after starting my journey I am finally starting school, which is what I have been working towards since the beginning. 
I'M STARTING SCHOOL!

Hoorah to milestones!  I'm so excited!  How long have I been freaking trying to make this happen?  I was so hopeless for this semester.  Then, WHABAM, IRA made a mistake and sent me a refund check thats going to cover my first STIL payment. :) Even better, I'm making my last 200$ monthly payment to StyleInc.  Meaning I will be able to pay the rest of my STIL payments no problem! I'M STARTING SCHOOL!  I'm doing it with MY money, without anyone's help.  I made it this far, I'm so much closer. 

Next step, graduating and opening a business to help me fund a library somewhere in the world.

The glow that the sun gives right around sunset helps me realize this is just a journey drop your worries, you are gonna turn out fine; But you gotta keep your head up!

We are not our mistakes.

"We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and future." -Steve Maraboli






Meditation by Frama

Last week, for some reason or another, it was call people out day.  Whats ironic about that, is I have no place to do so even if their trasngressions were directed at me.  I couldn't sleep that night because I kept going over and over again in my head second guessing myself, and wanting to continue to cling to people who really shouldn't be in my life.  

What I am sure of, is that it is entirely impossible to have problems with multiple people simultaneously without there being a problem within yourself.  I have said this to my friends on several occasions and now I have to realize that there is a problem lying within me.  I don't know what it is though, so I haven't any clue on what path to take to still this beast in me.  I am on the search though, I just want to be a better person.  I want to be "meek" &I am striving towards that.



Meditation by Poprage

Meek is strength under control.  Humility, humbleness, kindness, leadership, honestly, slow to anger, patient.  People mistake meek with weakness, and that is entirely false.   It is strength to think before you speak, act on what you believe, and refrain yourself when tempted. 

 In a sense, its mental and emotional power, immense power, subtract ego and pride because those who are meek treat others as equals and believe it.  They are even the best leaders without treating others as inferior.  I want to be meek, and judging by my outburst of anger last week I know I am far from that.  I am not my mistakes though, I am merely growing from my experiences.  I've learned from them and thus will refrain from repeating them.  A mistake is different from deliberate decisions that are later regretted.  I know that. 
Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.  As far as the think side goes, that correlates with my beliefs and I need to tweak my actions to be more in tune with my beliefs.  Or should I say ideas, for they are always changing.  Lets see where life takes me.   

Pick Me Up

Its amazing what some coffee and www.calm.com can do for you.  So, payday was today and money runs out tuesday but all my bills are covered and I should have gas and food till next payday.   No, I don't have a cent left to spare but I am going to be okay. 

The day before yesterday I put 4 dollars of gas in my car to make sure I could get to work until today, all because of some financial surprises and having to come up with 300 bucks outta nowhere, ouch.  I hate surprises, and I can't wait until next month when I should finally have some money left over after bills that way I don't have to make minimum payments on my credit, YAY!  Once its all paid off I hope to be free.  Well, after balancing my budget, paying all of my start of the month bills, and determining I can finally get my car fixed and not have to stress anymore, my mind was fog.  I was blurry eyed and stressed and hating that I'm not even living paycheck to paycheck, I'm living paycheck to tuesday!  Shitty deal, but then I remembered www.calm.com, so I snagged me some coffee and watched river flowing for about 10 minutes with the soothing music, then I watched a sunset on a lake for another 10 minutes and I feel so rejouvinated.  A reminder that although I live in society temporarily, I am more than that.  I am a part of this planet, I am a part of nature.  Sometimes you just have to remember that this life is made up of more than the materialistic world, I suck at that. 

I tend to get caught up in worry about making ends meet and if I'm gonna eat next week, how fast my cars going to get paid off and whether I'll be able to get back into school so I can have a better future.  The reality of it is though, thinking about all that other crap makes me forget about today.  Forget about breathing in deep and being grateful for all I've accomplished, all the things I do have, and for the beautiful stars that come out at night and the wind in the trees while colors light up the sunset sky, and the ducks in the river outside of my home.  I'm glad I discovered this website, sometimes I just need a pick me up while I'm stuck behind expensive furniture granite desk top and glass windows. 

I've quoted this before, but Jack Johnson really has it spot on.  "The wisdom's in the trees not the glass windows."

Oh how I love this man.  Thank you for your contribution Jack. <3

Letting Go.

If you are reading this it means you have access to a computer and you probably live in society (why they call it civilized is beyond me, those they call "primitive" are far more civilized).  If that is a fact, then you can probably agree that people are what mostly make up of our world, our reality.  I had a friend ask me if it is worth it to keep fighting for someone because of all of the history shared together, despite the pain, anger and frustration they cause in present day.  I responded to her:

"What do you want your life to consist of? People always talk about not wanting drama, and theres no room for shady people in my life... We all need to realize that the people in your life are there because we PUT them there. If there is someone bringing you down its time to decide to cut them out. Consider the reasons they were in it to begin with. When it comes down to it, cherish the memories; if things aren't happy though, why are you going to waste any more time with them? Life goes on, fill it with joy. I have had to do it before and in all reality keeping someone negative around for years causes a lot more pain than the heart-wrenching gut-tearing months of eliminating them. And who knows, maybe after ignoring them for 3 months they'll buck the fuck up and learn to respect how valuable you are and start treating you right.  Right?"

I cut a friend out of my life.  I thought to myself, a friend isn't someone who has ulterior motives, he isn't someone who picks and chooses words he wants to hear out of your sentences. A friend isn't someone who doesn't take into consideration your emotions because they get in the way of his wants. &&A friend is ESPECIALLY not someone who belittles your goals and pulls you down to his level. Its time to let go...

Well you'd think so.  For some reason there are a those particular people you just can't let go though.  Humans as a whole can't sincerely live happily without others in our lives, and we tend to fear being alone, because of this genetic flaw... letting go is difficult.  I have a friend always telling me how impossible it is that I will change the world.  I'm sick of people telling me I can't change the world. Maybe I can't, but maybe I can do a little bit and eventually all of those little bits change the world for a few somebody's who can also do a little bit.  I got really sick of him belittling my inspirations and motivation.  I tried to cut him out.  I mean, we always argue, we butt heads on everything, we dispute about what we believe in and stand for, we have a hundred reasons not to be friends.  I cut him out.  I stopped texting back, I quit answering phone calls, I avoided him to the best of my ability and after recieving 7 texts in a row I told him to lose my number.  Shortly after that is when my other friend asked me if its worth it to keep fighting for someone.  Then I thought about it.  Then I soaked in it.  Then I called him.
I can't cut someone out when I enjoy them, even a piece of them.  &&The heart-wrenching gut-tearing months of eliminating them aren't worth losing him, or the laughter he brings into my life, or the kick into shape he gives me when I'm down in the dumps, or knowing I can count on him over anyone in the world he'd come rescue me.  His presence in my life doesn't cause enough pain or suffering or anger to make losing him worth it.  Ending a friendship really is something to think about... So I called him.  Fkkn Frazee.  I still want to punch him in the face, but I called him because I know that if he needs me I'll be there, and I know if I need him he'll be there. 

Calm.com

“A good traveler has no fixed plans and is not intent on arriving.” – Lao Tzu



Moraine Lake, Canada -Bored Panda

I went to www.calm.com today.  I loved it.  My first scene was a sunset over the ocean.  I sat there for two minutes and listened to the waves and played with my imagination.  The motionless seagulls from the image took flight, the waves crashed on my feet.  I wiggled my toes in the sand and formed shapes in the clouds.  My second scene was a green field with waist high grass waving in the wind with a bright blue sky.  I wish I was there to run around, crouch under the plant life pretending to be a predator.  Cartwheels in tall grass are the most simple and precious adventure a person can have as lush greenery brushes your face in a whisp of upsidedown fun. 

I need to get out of here.  I need to get away from technology and cars and glass windows and concrete and fast food and brand names and magazines and cell phones and light bulbs and all that other useless crap.  Its nothing but a filler and it blinds us from this world.  Human's are the only species that pays to live on this planet.  I need to escape.  I know how to do it.  I am completely capable of just getting up and going, seeing oceans and seas and lakes and mountains and rivers and waterfalls.  I can scubadive and skydive and cliff jump.  I can eat dinner off of a campfire and witness wildlife more intimately.  I can do it, I know how! 

I am not brave enough though, I fear failure.  I fear being in my old age and someone having to take care of me.  I fear that if I take the leap and I start to travel and actually LIVE my life, what if something happens?  What if I get sick and I don't have insurance because I am a free agent?  What if I get stuck somewhere dangerous and I don't have a means to get out of there?  What if I fall in love and start a family and have absolutely no means of supporting my children because I traveled instead of studied? 

What if I enjoy every moment of it, fall in love with the lifestyle, and live free?

I want to see these places firsthand.

"The wisdom's in the tree's not the glass windows." -Jack Johnson

I am so immensely torn, being pulled two, even three, completely different directions! It brings tears to my eyes, what the hell do I do!?


Plitvice, Croatia -Bored Panda



Carerra Lake -Bored Panda

 “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” – Mark Twain

“Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness.” – Mark Twain

“There are no foreign lands. It is the traveler only who is foreign.” – Robert Louis Stevenson



Phi Phi Islands, Thailand -Bored Panda

“All travel has its advantages. If the passenger visits better countries, he may learn to improve his own. And if fortune carries him to worse, he may learn to enjoy it.” – Samuel Johnson

“When we get out of the glass bottle of our ego and when we escape like the squirrels in the cage of our personality and get into the forest again, we shall shiver with cold and fright. But things will happen to us so that we don’t know ourselves. Cool, unlying life will rush in.” – D. H. Lawrence

“To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.” – Freya Stark


Iceland -Bored Panda

“To my mind, the greatest reward and luxury of travel is to be able to experience everyday things as if for the first time, to be in a position in which almost nothing is so familiar it is taken for granted.” – Bill Bryson

“Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.” – Mark Twain  (I think I may prefer to travel alone.)



Machu Picchu, Peru -Bored Panda

“Once you have traveled, the voyage never ends, but is played out over and over again in the quiestest chambers. The mind can never break off from the journey.” – Pat Conroy

“Perhaps travel cannot prevent bigotry, but by demonstrating that all peoples cry, laugh, eat, worry, and die, it can introduce the idea that if we try and understand each other, we may even become friends.” – Maya Angelou

“What you’ve done becomes the judge of what you’re going to do – especially in other people’s minds. When you’re traveling, you are what you are right there and then. People don’t have your past to hold against you. No yesterdays on the road.” – William Least Heat Moon



Pamukkale, Turkey -Bored Panda

“I soon realized that no journey carries one far unless, as it extends into the world around us, it goes an equal distance into the world within.” – Lillian Smith

“Adventure is a path. Real adventure – self-determined, self-motivated, often risky – forces you to have firsthand encounters with the world. The world the way it is, not the way you imagine it. Your body will collide with the earth and you will bear witness. In this way you will be compelled to grapple with the limitless kindness and bottomless cruelty of humankind – and perhaps realize that you yourself are capable of both. This will change you. Nothing will ever again be black-and-white.” – Mark Jenkins




Santorini, Greece -Bored Panda

How on gods green earth am I supposed to overcome my fears and spread my wings?

Simplicity.

I just need a rocking chair instead..

I have a pretty simple life.  I do have depression, social anxiety, ADD, and mild OCD though so I tend to make things complicated for myself; that and the fact that I am a Taurus-Saggitarius (ugh).  I like simplicity though, I have a welcome sign on my door that says "simple pleasures" that I picked up from an antique shop one day while waiting for the next bus.  I love antique shops.  So many simple things in there that are so filled with such precious beauty, like an old rocking chair.  Its old and battered, but I like to use my imagination with it.  Did it rock a child to sleep in its new home?  Did an old couple have matching ones that they held hands in as they watched the sunset?  An antique shop is like, recycled memories that you get a chance to continue.  Simplicity. I've been thinking, how can I simplify my life?  I've been kind of in a rut where I won't be able to actually feel that pride of reaching a milestone because my milestones are at least a few months out of reach.  In the meantime, I need something to give my soul some nutrition.  I'm thinking I want to start a garden in my apartment.  I have been yearning for a yard with flowers and grass and a small permaculture farm.  I live in an apartment though, but I did find out there are some vegetables and herbs that can be grown indoors and luckily enough I have a south facing window!  TLC has a list of 66 things that can be grown indoors.  I need to go to an antique shop, pick out a rocking chair, get some green in my house and rock to the stories playing in my head from a good book breathing in freshness.  Yeah, I think that'll do the trick.


"Frugality is one of the most beautiful and joyful words in the English language, and yet one that we are culturally cut off from understanding and enjoying. The consumption society has made us feel that happiness lies in having things, and has failed to teach us the happiness of not having things." ~Elise Boulding

"We all die, the goal is not to live forever; the goal is to create something that will." -Chuck Palahniuk

Sometimes I panic thinking about the death of my parents or siblings.  I can't live without them, this world will SUCK if they aren't in it.  They really are a phenomenal contribution to the human species, all four of them.  For some reason I don't worry about my own death, I find comfort in it really.  Maybe it's because I work hard each and every day I try to grow as a person whether it be emotionally mentally spiritually or physically I try to do something productive each day.  Aside from that I consider myself to be a good person, nice to others, and honest.  So if I was to die I'd die comfortably knowing I did my best on this planet and now its time to rest.  I don't believe in heaven, or an after life of any sort.  I am happy about that though, until I think about my loved ones and that is when I understand why religion has made "heaven" to soothe the souls of mourners.  All we can really do here though, is create something that will stay behind when we cease.  In my parents case, they left their awesome genes behind, they make some amazing babies!  They raised us right, and each of us are really motivated to make a difference in this world.  My parents have succeeded and they too are still striving each day to reach new heights.  In my case..I want to travel, builds schools and libraries, publish books on other cultures, spread knowledge and maybe inspire peace.   On top of that, I want to publish my family's story. 

I just want a witness..

"There is no agony like bearing an untold story inside of you." – Maya Angelou.

I love witnessing the lives of others.  I feel that I ask a million questions and I sincerely care for details on the response, what it felt like, what they thought, what the surrounding environment looked like...  I do that.  I try to be the witness of the lives of those close to me, mostly my mother's life and my best friend Kyndra.  I wish I had a life partner though, a true love romance where I was passionate and together we were a team making logical decisions based on what would be the best for our future, if we were to have offspring's future, and of course what contribution we could make to society together.  I want a love that motivates me to take care of myself as much as I want to take care of my partner.  I do feel that agony that Maya refers to, because I dont think anyone listens, observes, and absorbs your story quite like a lover does.  I have an untold story, is anybody listening? 

"Always concentrate on how far you have come, rather than how far you have left to go. The difference in how easy it seems will amaze you." - Heidi Johnson.

Maybe I'm just a little too much for anyone to handle. <3

Rejouvination.

I recently discovered through GreenPeace a remarkable artist by the name of Jason deCaires Taylor. I'm literally in awe of this man's work. He has created maginificant statues representing humanity; the good, the bad, and the ugly. Not only has he managed to be creative, innovative, and moving with his artwork... its under water!   His intention is to draw people away from fragile natural coral reefs and instead be drawn to his artwork which is meant to act as artificial reefs in hopes to attract corals to support more marine life and provide space for natural rejouvination. 

©Jason deCaires Taylor

©Jason deCaires Taylor

©Jason deCaires Taylor

©Jason deCaires Taylor

©Jason deCaires Taylor

I love this world.  I love our planet, I love the intelligence of the human species and the beautiful things we are capable of.  I love the cultures we create, the words we string together, the images we invent.  I love the human mind.  It is painful to see the horrendous things that small minded people can create, though.  &&Unfortunately the greedy, the stingy, and the selfish are the ones with the talent for manipulating society into following in their path of destructin.  When I see a positive movement as phenomenal as this one I get more hope for the human race.  I get excited about doing something as monumental one day.  Lets stop doubting ourselves and just fix this planet, yeah?