Time to Reset

If my hands could hold them you'd see
I'd take all these secrets in me
And I'd move and mold them to be
Something I'd set free

Sometimes I just need to start fresh.  Like a factory reset to my lifestyle.  Over the weekend I woke up early and emptied all of my drawers and re-organized them.  I cleaned my room, then rearranged it.  I got a wooden framed chicken-wire board and removed every last staple and nail (the lady who made it did a VERY bad job, it was really just a safety hazard).  Then I painted it, and nailed it together.  Now I just have to hang it and stick all my jewelry/accessories on it. 
I got Jack's hip x-rayed and as it turns out the pain hes been having isn't from a screw in his hip coming loose.  He hasn't even been needing a light exercise summer.  Turns out he had a whole different surgery called a femoral head ostectomy, so basically they replaced the ball of his hip joint.  The pain is coming from scar tissue and the best thing I can do is continue giving him good exercise and just serving him pain medication as needed.
I've purchased my plane ticket to visit my family in Venezuela, I am BEYOND stoked to give my parents a tight embrace and spend some quality time together at last.  I did my research, checked NADA guides, KBB, CarFax, FuelEconmy.gov, read reviews, got pre-approved for my loan, had a quote ready and waiting with my insurance company, and after test driving a made a great decision and got a wonderful deal on a Subaru Legacy thats in tip-top condition.  I'm very satisfied.  Now its time to get my school set up and ready for when I return from Venezuela.  I also have to arrange dog-sitting for Jack while I am abroad.
I feel I am juggling a million things.  I haven't even been to Capoeira in a month.  Busy busy busy, my plate is full and my heart has been weighed because of all I have on my mind and on my to-do list.
Today I started Jack's 2-a-day walks so I awoke a full hour prior to my regular schedule after falling asleep late getting loose ends tied.  I had time to curl my hair and decided to wear a dress and some bright red lipstick to start the week right.  A self-revolution.

Too much going on inside of me and I need to slow down.  Listening to Sara Bareilles on repeat has been so soothing.  On the walk this morning it came on and in the darkness looking over the beautiful city at my  feet from the heights of the mountainside I was singing full heartedly to "Let The Rain".  She couldn't have said it any better.  I'm glad I am in therapy, otherwise I would still feel lost.  At least now I feel that I am on the right path going somewhere.  I don't know where, or who I'll be when I come out on the other side... but I am doing my best and being my best. 

I wish I were pretty

I wish I were brave

If I owned this city
Then I'd make it behave

And if I were fearless

Then I'd speak my truth

And the world would hear this

That's what I wish I'd do, yeah

If my hands could hold them you'd see
I'd take all these secrets in me
And I'd move and mold them to be
Something I'd set free

I want to darken in the skies

Open the floodgates up

I want to change my mind

I want to be enough
I want the water in my eyes
I want to cry until the end of time

I want to let the rain come down
<3 Make a brand new ground <3

Let the rain come down

Let the rain come down

Make a brand new ground

Let the rain come down tonight

I hold on to worry so tight

It's safe in here right next to my heart

Who now shouts at the top of her voice

Let me go, let me out, this is not my choice

And I always felt it before
That the world was filled with much more
Than the drowning soul I've learned to be
I just need the rain to remind me

I want to darken in the skies

Open the floodgates up

I want to change my mind

I want to be enough

I want the water in my eyes

I want to cry until the end of time

I want to let the rain come down

Make a brand new ground

Let the rain come down

Let the rain come down

Make a brand new ground

Let the rain come down

I want to let the rain come down

Make a brand new ground

Let the rain come down

Let the rain come down

Make a brand new ground

Let the rain come down

I want to let the rain come down

Make a brand new ground

Let the rain come down

Let the rain come down

Make a brand new ground

Let the rain come down tonight.

Arya Dwipangga