Friday, August 24, 2012

Golden Memories &&Skylines

Beautiful Golden Skylines
"Reading gives us a place to go when we have to stay where we are."
 
If I could go back to a single time of my life when I felt the most peace and acceptance in myself and of my own life, I would go back to a day in Falcon, Venezuela.  It was raining so hard it was as if the sky was falling.  I was sitting on the top bunk, just a few feet away from the zinc ceiling with an incense lit to repel what few bugs it could.  The bed stood apart from the walls to prevent even more bugs from climbing onto the bed. 
There were mosquitoes and moths flying around the light bulb mounted on the wall next to me, and I had a book propped open in front of me about a man's journey through the rain forest.  I was sitting in a tiny little cement walled house with slats for windows so bugs came and went as they pleased, and the rain pounded so loudly on the zinc above me that I could barely hear myself think.  I remember the overwhelming smell of nature and rain that I love, and I remember being couped up hundreds of miles away from anything even resembling a city, and I was with my family. 
The closest town to here is Corralito, Venezuela
Those were wonderful long days filled by passing time in the heat with my siblings and my parents.  We all helped work on the territory, though it was mostly my parents, we'd sit under the trees in the shade, playing scrabble and Nintendo 64 trying to save the princess from the castle.  I remember helping mommy sweep the ceilings, walls, and floors each and every day; and no matter what we'd have to do it again the next day.  Waking up each morning to a rooster crowing, birds chirping, and the room starting to heat up like an oven. 
I remember sweating and laughing and picking limes off of the lime tree, the baby goats across the fence made of long logs, they cried like human babies do.  I remember staring into the sky scraper trees and trying to count the different species that came and went, there were so many though.  Once, while daddy was out working on the land, he came across a baby lamb that was injured and suffering.  So he put it out of its misery with his machete and we made soup!  A big huge pot over a camp fire standing above the fire on cement bricks. 
I loved it there, I don't think I've ever been in a place that I love more.  Maybe it was being so surrounded by such undisturbed, breath taking beautiful nature, maybe it was being so isolated with no one but my siblings and parents that I so adore and enjoy.  Sharing jokes, and memories, voicing opinions and expanding ideas together.  Working together, and working hard.  We'd get sweaty, blistered, and our muscles worked  hard almost every day. 
The most adventurous day we had together was when we were building a fence.  My dad went around with a chain saw and cut down the thickest branches, we finished them off with a machete and made a huge pile.  Then, we each picked one of these heavy ass logs up, and walked for miles to where they needed to be put up.  We were so sore, and in pain, and itchy, oh my god so freaking itchy, but we felt so good when we got home.  Mom made some limeade, and we laughed together feeling accomplished. 
I guess what I loved most was the lifestyle, it made me appreciate the little things.  It rained more often than not and when it did, it poured.  Going out in the rain was like standing beneath a waterfall.  That specific rainy night though, I had time for me.  At times we felt shuttered in, isolated and stuck.  That night I got time to escape, I had time for the incense and the book, and the heavy thudding ear strumming rain while chillin' on a bunk bed away from all the walls to prevent bugs from getting in bed.  I felt like I was in a lone tower.  I think about it, and I remember the smells that surrounded me, and the emotion of being there. 
I wish I could go back. 
My handsome hero, Poppa Bear.
  
"Frugality is one of the most beautiful and joyful words in the English language, and yet one that we are culturally cut off from understanding and enjoying. The consumption society has made us feel that happiness lies in having things, and has failed to teach us the happiness of not having things." ~Elise Boulding

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

You Gotta Keep Your Head Up!


On July 14th of 2009 I wrote a poem, that day I was hopeless and depressed. 



Say it
Fake it
Make the whole world believe your lies
Smile broadly
Enjoy your laugh
Hide your tears
Deny your past
Ignore your screaming thoughts at night
Pretend your safe in bed
This - today - is your new life
This is how it will remain.
-By Diana C Romay



I was unmovitaved with a hard heart and trying to accept what I was to endure.  Then when I came home to the US I began to strive towards something better and it has been such a slow and painful trek.  Often times I have felt like I'm standing still.  As though I've been in a row boat with one broken oar and trying to get to my destination going against the wind.  I've been pushed back multiple times.  Two years after my lonesome and treacherous journey began I finally got on my feet with an apartment and a car.  Now 3 full years after starting my journey I am finally starting school, which is what I have been working towards since the beginning. 
I'M STARTING SCHOOL!

Hoorah to milestones!  I'm so excited!  How long have I been freaking trying to make this happen?  I was so hopeless for this semester.  Then, WHABAM, IRA made a mistake and sent me a refund check thats going to cover my first STIL payment. :) Even better, I'm making my last 200$ monthly payment to StyleInc.  Meaning I will be able to pay the rest of my STIL payments no problem! I'M STARTING SCHOOL!  I'm doing it with MY money, without anyone's help.  I made it this far, I'm so much closer. 

Next step, graduating and opening a business to help me fund a library somewhere in the world.


The glow that the sun gives right around sunset helps me realize this is just a journey drop your worries, you are gonna turn out fine; But you gotta keep your head up!

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

We are not our mistakes.

"We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and future." -Steve Maraboli





Meditation by Frama

Last week, for some reason or another, it was call people out day.  Whats ironic about that, is I have no place to do so even if their trasngressions were directed at me.  I couldn't sleep that night because I kept going over and over again in my head second guessing myself, and wanting to continue to cling to people who really shouldn't be in my life.  


What I am sure of, is that it is entirely impossible to have problems with multiple people simultaneously without there being a problem within yourself.  I have said this to my friends on several occasions and now I have to realize that there is a problem lying within me.  I don't know what it is though, so I haven't any clue on what path to take to still this beast in me.  I am on the search though, I just want to be a better person.  I want to be "meek" &I am striving towards that.


Meditation by Poprage
Meek is strength under control.  Humility, humbleness, kindness, leadership, honestly, slow to anger, patient.  People mistake meek with weakness, and that is entirely false.   It is strength to think before you speak, act on what you believe, and refrain yourself when tempted. 

 In a sense, its mental and emotional power, immense power, subtract ego and pride because those who are meek treat others as equals and believe it.  They are even the best leaders without treating others as inferior.  I want to be meek, and judging by my outburst of anger last week I know I am far from that.  I am not my mistakes though, I am merely growing from my experiences.  I've learned from them and thus will refrain from repeating them.  A mistake is different from deliberate decisions that are later regretted.  I know that. 
Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.  As far as the think side goes, that correlates with my beliefs and I need to tweak my actions to be more in tune with my beliefs.  Or should I say ideas, for they are always changing.  Lets see where life takes me.   

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Pick Me Up

Its amazing what some coffee and www.calm.com can do for you.  So, payday was today and money runs out tuesday but all my bills are covered and I should have gas and food till next payday.   No, I don't have a cent left to spare but I am going to be okay. 
The day before yesterday I put 4 dollars of gas in my car to make sure I could get to work until today, all because of some financial surprises and having to come up with 300 bucks outta nowhere, ouch.  I hate surprises, and I can't wait until next month when I should finally have some money left over after bills that way I don't have to make minimum payments on my credit, YAY!  Once its all paid off I hope to be free.  Well, after balancing my budget, paying all of my start of the month bills, and determining I can finally get my car fixed and not have to stress anymore, my mind was fog.  I was blurry eyed and stressed and hating that I'm not even living paycheck to paycheck, I'm living paycheck to tuesday!  Shitty deal, but then I remembered www.calm.com, so I snagged me some coffee and watched river flowing for about 10 minutes with the soothing music, then I watched a sunset on a lake for another 10 minutes and I feel so rejouvinated.  A reminder that although I live in society temporarily, I am more than that.  I am a part of this planet, I am a part of nature.  Sometimes you just have to remember that this life is made up of more than the materialistic world, I suck at that. 
I tend to get caught up in worry about making ends meet and if I'm gonna eat next week, how fast my cars going to get paid off and whether I'll be able to get back into school so I can have a better future.  The reality of it is though, thinking about all that other crap makes me forget about today.  Forget about breathing in deep and being grateful for all I've accomplished, all the things I do have, and for the beautiful stars that come out at night and the wind in the trees while colors light up the sunset sky, and the ducks in the river outside of my home.  I'm glad I discovered this website, sometimes I just need a pick me up while I'm stuck behind expensive furniture granite desk top and glass windows. 


I've quoted this before, but Jack Johnson really has it spot on.  "The wisdom's in the trees not the glass windows."
Oh how I love this man.  Thank you for your contribution Jack. <3