It's Time

"You may be 38 years old, as I happen to be, and one day some great opportunity stands before you and calls you to stand up for some great principle, some great issue, some great cause; and you refuse to do it because you are afraid, you refuse to do it because you will live longer.  You're afraid that you will lose your job, or you are afraid that you will be criticized or that you will lose your popularity, or you're afraid that somebody will stab you, or shoot at you or bomb your house, so you refuse to take the stand.  Well, you may go on and live until you are 90, but you're just as dead at 38 as you would be at 90.  The cessation of breathing in your life is but the belated announcement of an earlier death of the spirit." -Martin Luther King Jr.

So I decided to look within myself.  I returned to my roots and I looked up Dragonfly.  My obsession with dragonflies sprouted for a reason and it came time to remind myself.  Among the meanings of dragonflies on this website, these were listed:

• Maturity and a Depth of character
• Power and Poise
• Defeat of Self Created Illusions
• Focus on living ‘IN’ the moment
• The opening of one’s eyes    

I then searched youtube for "dragonfly" and these were the first two songs I heard.

 

I've decided I'm leaving.  I'm getting my Venezuelan ID and I'm hoping to move by June.  Life is going to change, and I'm bringing Jack with me. <3

The Love That Let Us Share Our Name

There aren't words to describe the love I have for my magical family.  Us five are so uniquely close words could never live up to it.  The Avett Brother's describe it perfectly.  I heard this song in person, live, at The Gallivan Center.  I had never heard of the Avett Brothers prior to that day, and they impacted me immensely with this song.  I just happened to be downtown that day so I went to the gallivan center because I love it there.  At first I was all bummed out because there was a HUGE crowd.  I hung out any ways and I noticed how many hippies were there, it made me kind of happy.... then this song came on and I just started crying.  I am a huge fan of theirs now, and I think its no coincidence that I stumbled across them in person at one of my top favorite places on this planet. <3

If I get murdered in the city
Don’t go revengin' in my name
One person dead from such is plenty
No need to go get locked away

When I leave your arms
The things that I think of
No need to get over alarmed
I’m comin' home

I wonder which brother is better
Which one our parents love the most
I sure did get in lots of trouble
They seemed to let the other go

A tear fell from my father’s eyes
I wondered what my dad would say
He said I love you
And I’m proud of you both, in so many different ways

If I get murdered in the city
Go read the letter in my desk
Don’t worry with all my belongings
But pay attention to the list

Make sure my sister knows I loved her
Make sure my mother knows the same
Always remember, there is nothing worth sharing
Like the love that let us share our name
Always remember, there is nothing worth sharing
Like the love that let us share our name

I Miss The Making Of Our Memories.

Today, I am reminiscent.

I miss you.  

I miss our time together.  

I miss the making of our memories.

Your laugh accompanied by that incredible smile.  &Don't get me started with those beautiful blue eyes.

I miss the hours spent on your couch, I miss hikes, lounging by the pool, walks with Jack. I miss your genuine and warm company, your randomness, the deep laughter you'd create in me.  I miss how you'd push me to my boundaries and tell me, "if it doesn't challenge you it doesn't change you"... then I'd do my best to man up and not let you see the struggle to keep myself contained.  Whether it be controlling my breath so I don't pass out climbing a mountain side, or not screaming as that rush in my belly indicates the Jeep is about to tip, or I'm about to fly off the back of a jet ski..  My god, I miss you're smile, and you embrace.  

Just as I am missing you, I am missing a little bit of everyone.  Of every time period of my life. I miss being a child and jumping the fence to pet baby goats.  Of playing in the fields during recess.  I miss exploring everything, with everything being new and exciting.  I miss getting "drunk" from carbonated apple cider and struggling to stay awake until midnight for presents.  I miss being in sixth grade and feeling like the king of the world, the oldest kids in the school, the bosses of the playground.  I miss junior high and the need of independence, exclusivity, uniqueness and individuality that all of us struggled with and tolerated in one another.  I miss the freedom of being able to skip school and laugh, enjoy good company, make good memories.  I miss Friday nights with family.  I miss the boiling hot days, and hot nights all the same with Vallenatos, Cerveza, Merengue and Dominoes.  I miss granja's and arepa's, birthdays and stories of ancestors.  I miss hanging out with the gang in Kyndra's back yard, I miss partying at my first house with those who had previously abandoned me, then continued to do so again.  I miss hikes, river wading, moon watching, and swimming.  I miss the long nights at the bar, strolls the the golf course at midnight, rides through the canyon.  I miss dinner, and movies, holding hands, hugs, being heard and listened to.  I miss hookah and smoking pipe tobacco on the back porch.  I miss it all, I miss everyone.

I wish for once, .j.u.s.t. once, someone would stay in my life.  For god's sake, just stay.

I miss the making of memories.  Shared memories between you and I.  All of us.  Friends and family, and all of the people that I used to know.  I miss you.