Saturday, July 9, 2011

.the.beauty.of.nature.and.love.


Salt Lake City Bird Conservatory
Mmmm... so in love with my man.  We went to the bird conservatory last night. <3 It was absolutely beatuiful.  We walked around, pointed out birds to each other.  Talked.  Watched as the sky morph into a scrambled mess of upset.  The sun set magically while Tony was lying on a bench and I couldn't help but capture the moment.  We were holding hands throughout the night, then it started raining and we both ran to the car together.. I was laughing so hard!  It was a memory worth capturing. 

I love nature, and life.  The way the marshlands ahve such a variety even in just their plant life, some patches were in thickets and other patches were shorter.  The birds so perfectly blend into their habitat.  The nature screamed out its silence to me with calls from the nature by dragonflies zooming by, birds calling out, wind whispering through the marshes, and constant moving water beneath our feet.  The mountains stood tall and protective over these lands, intimidating and nourishing.  The sky was everchanging and slowly churned from blue, to grey, to dark grey, to water falling tentively on our bodies.  I love nature, and life. 


Once my paycheck comes I'm making a contribution, I recommend anyone who believes in this world does it as well.  <3  Here is the link.


Sunday, July 3, 2011

.Happy.Fourth.of.July.Weekend!.

Fireworks by chalee-80

Happy Fourth of July Weekend!

Very few know the true beauty of living in this country.  I am so grateful to be an American!  I am sincerely looking forward to help spreading the benefits we recieve, such as a library in every city or a school every few miles, to other countries as well.  <3

Friday, July 1, 2011

.low.low.low...




Hell-oh, my goodness.  
I didn't know I was here. 
Do you know my name? 
Can't go wrong when you try.
 Always got to try... no matter how long that shit takes.
Whatever stops you from dreaming, whatever tries to stop you from living...
flip it.
Welcome home.  
'Cause right now what I have to do is I gotta amp myself up as well as you.  
So what if it took me like two years and shit,
but I'm feeling prepared, &&I'm feeling a little more ready for the world.
&&Less lost, as I once was.  



I'm still on track.  I'm closer, I'm getting my license here soon &a car by august I hope bringing me closer to moving in with Tony and starting college again.  I've just been so down, though.  I can't seem to shake the same depression that has haunted me my whole life.  It comes in spurts and its holding on tight right now.  I can't breathe I can't think I can't bring myself to do anything.  My responsibilities are all I can manage to do, Jack is fed, combed &&his teeth are brushed.  My fish Zylvestur is fed with a clean tank.  I wake up for work every morning and accomplish my duties.
I can't breathe though.  

I hurt, I'm sad, I'm low on my luck.  Immobile.  

I'm fucking depressed.  Today I finally had the courage to let Tony know he needs to help me, that I'm depressed and I can't shake it.  I don't quite comprehend as to why men don't fucking get it when you say it in different words.  I have told him I need him, I have told him I miss him and I have shown him my emotions in the raw.  

Why in the hell was he surprised when I blatantly told him, "Tony, I'm depressed." 

What hurt is his only response was, "Why?"

Are you kidding!?  When we got together, from the very start I told you I have chronic depression and it comes in spurts.  Listen to me.  Come visit me.  Hold me, hug me, talk to me, ask me questions so I can vent without trying to fix them or cheer me up!  Support me.  I told him once more today that it comes in spurts.  He tried to fix it, "We just need to get you moved in."  Yes that is my goal yes it will help, but no that will not eliminate my emotions.

TrixyPixie - Depression
"A lot of people don't realize that depression is an illness.  I don't wish it on anyone, but if they would know how it feels, I swear they would think twice before they just shrug it." -Jonathan Davis.
moranox - Depression