I'm On The Persuit Of Happiness

Kid Cudi came to visit Salt Lake City last night for a twilight concert, and it was ridiculously packed.  It rained, HARD.  It was actually pretty amazing, standing in the crowd as he sang "Just to show the kids they ain't the only ones who up at night. The moon will illuminate my room and soon I'm consumed by my doom" and the rain just poured over me. I was drenched, swaying with the crowd.  All of us, together, felt it when he sang.

"I've got some issues that nobody can see
And all of these emotions are pouring out of me
I bring them to the light for you
It's only right"

Isn't it kind of crazy thinking about how other people live their lives and they are fully and entirely different from yourself, but can connect so profoundly from the lyrics of one man.  &That ONE man who has his own experiences and thoughts is standing on a stage not too far from us, has no idea how he has influenced each of us on individual levels.  I will never meet Kid Cudi, he will never know about the songs on repeat that touched and comforted my soul on various days.

"If I fall if I die know I lived it to the fullest
If I fall if I die know I lived and missed some bullets"

How can a crowd so packed have so much in common with each other?  We don't know each other.  I think its a bit of a mind fuck.  Like the pictures of big crowded cities where you can see people walking right past each other and they don't know they are being photographed.  What were each of them thinking in that moment, how did they feel, and how did they relate to each other?  They were walking the same damn street, and the same damn time on the same day... but life goes on and they fade into the crowd.  Seven BILLION of us on this planet, and we don't even try to get to know our own neighbors better.  In the mornings I often see the same cars on the road, probably people who work the same 8 to 5 schedule I do.  I can't help but wonder what their lives are like.

It may be bold or even silly of me to say it, but I am terrified of being just a face in the crowd.  I don't want my death to be meaningless.  That doesn't mean I want fame or popularity, but I have no idea what I want.  I have no idea what will make me happy in the long run.  I have no idea how to make sure that when I arrive on the threshold of my death, I don't want to feel vacant or alone. 

I, myself, Diana... am on the pursuit of happiness, and I know everything that shine ain't always gonna be gold.  I'll be fine once I get it, yeah.  I'll be good.