Spirited.

I consider myself to be a highly spirited individual.  I'm proud of it.  I'm glad that I am able to wake myself up early saturday mornings and help out TreeUtah, I love that I am one of the few people who actually take their dog out every day, and still play fetch most of the afternoon afterwards.  He is groomed bathed and his teeth brushed, and he gets cuddled and loved on endlessly.  I show my friends how much I appreciate them and I tell my family how much I love them.  I congratulate people on their accomplishments and I do my best every single day of my life to keep my thoughts, my words, and my actions in line with my beliefs.  Tomorrow is my little cousin's graduation from SNOW College.  I couldn't be more proud of her.  I am taking the day off and driving 3 hours south to go visit her, give her a hug and support her with pride.  This will be the second day I've ever taken a day off in the history of my work life, including sick days.  Even though I never take a day off I still take full advantage of my weekends. 



My contribution to their "Week of Action for Wolves"

Over this past weekend I went to the Liberty Park drum circle.  They had many hippie type booth's set up.  In one booth they were spreading awareness on wolves and trying to get them back into Utah.  I took the time to stop and write a letter to President Obama, then I thanked the man for the opportunity.  Personally, I think it is outrageous that some selfish farmer's and other greedy individuals have successfully exterminated the wolves in Utah.  Now I come to find out that Idaho is a close runner up!  We're approaching the one year anniversary since Idaho's congress stripped federal protections for wolves in the Northern Rockies.  In just ONE year almost half of the wolves population has been diminished!?  That is ridiculous.  So today I chose to show some of my support to The Defenders of Wildlife.  I can't afford a half gallon of milk, so I definately can't make a donation just yet.  I will though, maybe on my next paycheck!  I do urge any readers to check out their website and help wolves thrive again.  They truly are an amazing species.  To learn more about wolves you can google facts about wolves and a bunch of websites pop up!   They're interesting, give it a try. 

Momma Dearest

Mommy helping me take my first steps Grandma's back yard 1993

May 1st of 2011 I was getting on an airplane to give my Momma a hug on her birthday night in Venezuela.  American Airlines awful customer service ended up getting me lost and I missed my flight, which didn't have another going to Venezuela until the following day.  I remember a pressure in my chest as warm tears rushed down my face in anger that people can be that incredibly rude and unhelpful, and agnoy that I was going to miss my mom's birthday for the first time in my life. 

Playing in the snow 1993

After 365 of Earth's pirouettes I was back in the same sadness I was last year.  I miss my mom and it is now two years in a row I haven't gotten to be with her on her special day.  She such an amazing woman, full of strength kindness and forgiveness.  She's always been so good at making me laugh when I needed it the most, had the best advice and the most wonderful hugs. I miss waking up to her blaring music on a Sunday while she'd clean the house, or even better when she'd come into my room lay in bed with me and baby talk me, then pop my toes and tell me to get up. I miss cooking with her, riding bikes with her, crawling into her bed to annoy her while she'd try to read. I miss taking naps with her, and going to run errands with her. How is it possible we always managed to have fun on a trip to the bank, or picking up groceries at Wal-Mart?  I am proud to be so similar to her, I'm basically her replica. I love looking at pictures and going, HOLY CRAP, is that me or momma?  I know exactly who it is, but our similarites are quite astonishing.  I love that we think so similarly, and we feel emotions in almost the same way, we sit and we talk and we completely understand one another when no one in the world can manage to grasp us. I am sad that I can't be there to make her breakfast and help her clean the house with loud music playing and dance together or sing together, or just laugh together. I wish I could be there to eat a mango with her under the mango tree talking about our dreams and our goals, our plans and our passions.  She is one of the only people I know who have as strong a passion as I do.  I want to sit in the shade listening to birds chirp and smell the sweet Maracaibo air talking about the people we love and share memories together.  My mom is truly the best mother any person could ever ask for, whatsoever. No one could ever live up to her in my eyes, and I look forward to writing her amazing biography.  With her shining example, patient guidance and steadfast love, I hope to grow to be a reflection of all her best qualities.   May this next year be filled with prosperity and peace for her. <3  

Christmas 2006



Freedom.

I realize that more frequent than not people have picture album's titled, "the new me." If not that, something along those lines.  I don't have a new beginning, a new me, or a start over button like so many others. I have a history, memories I cherrish, people I will forever carry with me whether they remember my face in their dreams or not. I have a reputation I've been building, and one day I will have the success I have cried for, bled for, and struggled for. Blistered feet can't slow me down. ♥

I have literally had small puddles of blood in the bottoms of my shoes from blisters.  I couldn't slow down though, I had to keep pace for one reason or another.  Usually I'd have to run to catch the bus with my ears that ached so much from the frozen wind I'd prefer not to have them at all.  The running would put sharp fierce stabbing pains in my chest that almost brought tears to my eyes at times, but I couldnt think about the pain I had to think about catching that stupid bus so I would be on time for a meeting with DWS, or for a class, or to make it in to work; I could never sacrifice being late for work for two reasons.  Reason number one, I have an immense work ethic.  Reason number two, 30 minutes of work can determine whether or not I eat come payday.  If it wasn't the icy wind I was enduring it was the scalding sun beating down on me, but I worked hard and now I have finally reached a foundation.

It is astounding to me that I now have my own apartment and my own car.  My mind is boggled that I have a great job, with great health insurance, and I finally have stability.  Don't get me wrong, having my own things makes me pretty freaking pathetically broke, but my bills are paid &&I have enough to get groceries to last my paycheck.  I don't have a dime to spare for Wendy's or a Redbox but I am taken care of.  I am moving on up, and I couldn't be more proud!  Proud that I can hold my own without renting a room from someone, proud that my dog has his own territory for once, proud that I will live somewhere for more than 4 months (which hasn't happened in 4 years), I am proud that my hardwork has at least brought me to this milestone.  I'm still me, my experiences have constructed me. &&I would never, EVER, forget my past to reconstruct a false persona.  I'm one step closer, hopefully I can start school in fall.  "A successful person is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that other's have thrown at him." -David Brinkley

What I Stand For

So I officially decided that I either need to start living off of the Earth and quit my job.  That way I can backpack all over the world, live free and have unlimited time to volunteer.  I need to actually BE the change I want to see in the world.  It is that, or stop breaking my heart by reading about a bunch of non-profits and only be able to mildly volunteer, which I wont do because I just can't help but be passionate and care for the planet we share.  I think I am going to finish out the lease on my apartment, sell my car.  &&Go to Argentina to work on a permaculture farm with my siblings for a while then backpack while spreading awareness.  That idea sounds .l.o.v.e.l.y. to me, lets see where life takes me and hopefully I can accomplish it.  I miss my family. 

I have been volunteering with TreeUtah but work gets in the way, most of the plantings are early mornings during the week and I unfortunately have to eat and pay for my shelter, so work is a priority. Uck. I did just find out about Carpets for Communities and that flare of emotion burst inside of me, yet again.  I emailed them and now I am waiting for a response to see if I will be able to help their wonderful project to the best of my ability.  I hate the ball and chain of living in society restricting me from participating in what I believe in, its time to work towards freeing myself.  I need to LIVE.

 http://carpetsforcommunities.org/ is a nonprofit organization teaching families "how to fish" instead of "giving them a fish."  Their goal is that "By 2012, we will return 2500 children at risk of exploitation to school by empowering 500 families in Cambodia and the world.” By empowering mothers to send their children to school through the production and sale of one-of-a-kind, hand-hooked carpets, we aim to improve the livelihoods of the poor in Poipet Commune and to help them break through the poverty cycle. <3 When I find out more about how to support them I will make sure to update it here.

A Good Day

Love is what we are born with, fear is what we learn.  The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear and prejudices and the acceptance of love back in our hearts.  Love is the essential reality and our purpose on earth.  To be consciously aware of it, to experience love in ourselves and others, is the meaning of life.  Meaning does not lie in things, meaning lies in us. - Marianne Williamson.

Yesterday I went I got to visit an old friend.  He hit rock bottom in his addiction, woke up in rehab, and has now been clean for a year.  It was so good to see him, to give him a hug, but so sad to see that the trials he has faced has left him unable to make eye contact.  I'm not sure if he is aware of the fact that he doesn't make ey contact.  Eyecontact is something so valuable to me though, that it deeply hurt my heart to see him miss out on such a beautiful thing; and to be depriving those who love him of it too.  After visiting with him I went I went to Ogden to have a district manager meeting for Northern Utah Covers the Night.  We pounded out some great ideas on what the next steps are going to be to help spread awareness, it was a productive meeting and I am grateful for the experience.


Once the meeting adjourned I went visit Pat, one of my six friends who are tattooed on my foot in the shape of a dragonfly.  He is the one who just moved back from Texas, prior to being in Italy.  After so many years gone he is slightly disappointed that people aren't quite how he left them.  I admired him for saying, "You can't be mad at someone for being themselves."  He says he will have their backs no matter what, and always be there for them.  I suck at that, I feel lonely and sad when someone moves on without me, and I can't help but get a bit resentful; like if I'm not good enough.  His mindset is one I am in the process of adopting.  Its not about me, life just moves on and time changes things.

Sometimes we expect more from others because we would be willing to do that much for them. I need to stop expecting, and just accept, forgive, and love. I should just give, and stop worrying about what I recieve and just let "the acceptance love back in our hearts." Marianne Williamson, such a smart woman she is. Besides, I'm an .i.n.d.e.p.e.n.d.a.n.t. woman, I can hold my own! ;)

A girl with a mind, a woman with attitude, a lady with class.

This little story put quite the smile on my face, and a little extra piece of peace in my heart.

An old cherokee man told his grandson, "My son, there is a battle between two wolves inside us all.  One is Evil, made of anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, inferiority, lies, and ego.  The other is Good, made of joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy, and truth."

The boy thought about it and asked, "Grandfather, which wolf wins?"

The old man quietly replied, "The one you feed."

This is something I greatly struggle with.  Its a fire within me that burns to shut down the close minded and judgemental... to fight hatred with hatred.  Doing so does nothing but hold that anger inside my own soul though, which is why I work on it every day.  Insulting someone for being selfish or hurtful doesn't do anythig to them... but it frees extra negativity into the world and into your heart.  I get jealous sometimes, or bitter that someones life has been handed ot them on a silver platter where as I've had to struggle and work hard for everything.  I'm only hurting myself, and feeding that evil wolf inside of me.  The good wolf is stronger though, it's just a lot quieter and much more clever.

Real eyes realize real lies.

I believe in positivity.  I believe I am the only one who can take the first step towards making my life any better.  I believe we all need to make an effort to help those around us who are willing to be helped, and to accept and forgive those who don't want to be helped.  They'll come along some day. <3 - Diana Romay.

You have brains in your head, you have feet in your shoes.  You can steer yourself any direction you choose. - Dr Suess


Be soft.  Do not let the world make you hard.  Do not let the pain make you hate.  Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness.  Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.  - Anonymous


We dont have to engage in grand, heroic actions to participate in the process of change.  Small acts, when multiplied by millions of people, can transofrm the world. - Howard Zinn

Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime. - Mark Twain

The one who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the crowd.  The one who walks alone, is likely to find himself in places no one has ever been before.  - Albert Einstein.