Freedom.

I realize that more frequent than not people have picture album's titled, "the new me." If not that, something along those lines.  I don't have a new beginning, a new me, or a start over button like so many others. I have a history, memories I cherrish, people I will forever carry with me whether they remember my face in their dreams or not. I have a reputation I've been building, and one day I will have the success I have cried for, bled for, and struggled for. Blistered feet can't slow me down. ♥

I have literally had small puddles of blood in the bottoms of my shoes from blisters.  I couldn't slow down though, I had to keep pace for one reason or another.  Usually I'd have to run to catch the bus with my ears that ached so much from the frozen wind I'd prefer not to have them at all.  The running would put sharp fierce stabbing pains in my chest that almost brought tears to my eyes at times, but I couldnt think about the pain I had to think about catching that stupid bus so I would be on time for a meeting with DWS, or for a class, or to make it in to work; I could never sacrifice being late for work for two reasons.  Reason number one, I have an immense work ethic.  Reason number two, 30 minutes of work can determine whether or not I eat come payday.  If it wasn't the icy wind I was enduring it was the scalding sun beating down on me, but I worked hard and now I have finally reached a foundation.

It is astounding to me that I now have my own apartment and my own car.  My mind is boggled that I have a great job, with great health insurance, and I finally have stability.  Don't get me wrong, having my own things makes me pretty freaking pathetically broke, but my bills are paid &&I have enough to get groceries to last my paycheck.  I don't have a dime to spare for Wendy's or a Redbox but I am taken care of.  I am moving on up, and I couldn't be more proud!  Proud that I can hold my own without renting a room from someone, proud that my dog has his own territory for once, proud that I will live somewhere for more than 4 months (which hasn't happened in 4 years), I am proud that my hardwork has at least brought me to this milestone.  I'm still me, my experiences have constructed me. &&I would never, EVER, forget my past to reconstruct a false persona.  I'm one step closer, hopefully I can start school in fall.  "A successful person is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that other's have thrown at him." -David Brinkley

What I Stand For

So I officially decided that I either need to start living off of the Earth and quit my job.  That way I can backpack all over the world, live free and have unlimited time to volunteer.  I need to actually BE the change I want to see in the world.  It is that, or stop breaking my heart by reading about a bunch of non-profits and only be able to mildly volunteer, which I wont do because I just can't help but be passionate and care for the planet we share.  I think I am going to finish out the lease on my apartment, sell my car.  &&Go to Argentina to work on a permaculture farm with my siblings for a while then backpack while spreading awareness.  That idea sounds .l.o.v.e.l.y. to me, lets see where life takes me and hopefully I can accomplish it.  I miss my family. 

I have been volunteering with TreeUtah but work gets in the way, most of the plantings are early mornings during the week and I unfortunately have to eat and pay for my shelter, so work is a priority. Uck. I did just find out about Carpets for Communities and that flare of emotion burst inside of me, yet again.  I emailed them and now I am waiting for a response to see if I will be able to help their wonderful project to the best of my ability.  I hate the ball and chain of living in society restricting me from participating in what I believe in, its time to work towards freeing myself.  I need to LIVE.

 http://carpetsforcommunities.org/ is a nonprofit organization teaching families "how to fish" instead of "giving them a fish."  Their goal is that "By 2012, we will return 2500 children at risk of exploitation to school by empowering 500 families in Cambodia and the world.” By empowering mothers to send their children to school through the production and sale of one-of-a-kind, hand-hooked carpets, we aim to improve the livelihoods of the poor in Poipet Commune and to help them break through the poverty cycle. <3 When I find out more about how to support them I will make sure to update it here.

A Good Day

Love is what we are born with, fear is what we learn.  The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear and prejudices and the acceptance of love back in our hearts.  Love is the essential reality and our purpose on earth.  To be consciously aware of it, to experience love in ourselves and others, is the meaning of life.  Meaning does not lie in things, meaning lies in us. - Marianne Williamson.

Yesterday I went I got to visit an old friend.  He hit rock bottom in his addiction, woke up in rehab, and has now been clean for a year.  It was so good to see him, to give him a hug, but so sad to see that the trials he has faced has left him unable to make eye contact.  I'm not sure if he is aware of the fact that he doesn't make ey contact.  Eyecontact is something so valuable to me though, that it deeply hurt my heart to see him miss out on such a beautiful thing; and to be depriving those who love him of it too.  After visiting with him I went I went to Ogden to have a district manager meeting for Northern Utah Covers the Night.  We pounded out some great ideas on what the next steps are going to be to help spread awareness, it was a productive meeting and I am grateful for the experience.


Once the meeting adjourned I went visit Pat, one of my six friends who are tattooed on my foot in the shape of a dragonfly.  He is the one who just moved back from Texas, prior to being in Italy.  After so many years gone he is slightly disappointed that people aren't quite how he left them.  I admired him for saying, "You can't be mad at someone for being themselves."  He says he will have their backs no matter what, and always be there for them.  I suck at that, I feel lonely and sad when someone moves on without me, and I can't help but get a bit resentful; like if I'm not good enough.  His mindset is one I am in the process of adopting.  Its not about me, life just moves on and time changes things.

Sometimes we expect more from others because we would be willing to do that much for them. I need to stop expecting, and just accept, forgive, and love. I should just give, and stop worrying about what I recieve and just let "the acceptance love back in our hearts." Marianne Williamson, such a smart woman she is. Besides, I'm an .i.n.d.e.p.e.n.d.a.n.t. woman, I can hold my own! ;)

A girl with a mind, a woman with attitude, a lady with class.

This little story put quite the smile on my face, and a little extra piece of peace in my heart.

An old cherokee man told his grandson, "My son, there is a battle between two wolves inside us all.  One is Evil, made of anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, inferiority, lies, and ego.  The other is Good, made of joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy, and truth."

The boy thought about it and asked, "Grandfather, which wolf wins?"

The old man quietly replied, "The one you feed."

This is something I greatly struggle with.  Its a fire within me that burns to shut down the close minded and judgemental... to fight hatred with hatred.  Doing so does nothing but hold that anger inside my own soul though, which is why I work on it every day.  Insulting someone for being selfish or hurtful doesn't do anythig to them... but it frees extra negativity into the world and into your heart.  I get jealous sometimes, or bitter that someones life has been handed ot them on a silver platter where as I've had to struggle and work hard for everything.  I'm only hurting myself, and feeding that evil wolf inside of me.  The good wolf is stronger though, it's just a lot quieter and much more clever.

Real eyes realize real lies.

I believe in positivity.  I believe I am the only one who can take the first step towards making my life any better.  I believe we all need to make an effort to help those around us who are willing to be helped, and to accept and forgive those who don't want to be helped.  They'll come along some day. <3 - Diana Romay.

You have brains in your head, you have feet in your shoes.  You can steer yourself any direction you choose. - Dr Suess


Be soft.  Do not let the world make you hard.  Do not let the pain make you hate.  Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness.  Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.  - Anonymous


We dont have to engage in grand, heroic actions to participate in the process of change.  Small acts, when multiplied by millions of people, can transofrm the world. - Howard Zinn

Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime. - Mark Twain

The one who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the crowd.  The one who walks alone, is likely to find himself in places no one has ever been before.  - Albert Einstein.

Stop Kony! 2012.

I just watched this video.  I started a monthly donation.  I cried, and I will definately be doing an overnighter putting up posters with the rest of the army against Kony.  I can't believe this maniac has gotten away with kidnapping children, forcing little girls into sex slavery and little boys to be soldiers.  He has so much power he has children murdering their own parents!?  And WE, right now, right here, have the chance to spread the word and bring this beast to a stop.  Take the time to watch the video. 

Kony2012.com

Putting up posters is spreading the word and showing our government that we care which is to going keep forces in africa who are assisting the african forces to bring him down, and meanwhile using the profit from these fliers and bracelets towards helping build schools and radio towers, fund search and rescues for the children, along with rehabilitation centers once they are rescued. Spreading the word continues the positive results. The volunteering I do locally doesn't reach out that far, and this is one movement that is impacting thousands of children and we do have a chance to do something, by reposting the video thats adding one more person to the list that could contribute.

The Lorax!

I had a wonderful weekend.  I stayed in Roy with my friends on Friday, then Saturday I moved to my co-workers for the month until my apartment opens up.  At my new place (for the month) we had a zombie fest!  Five freaking zombie movies that night, yeah I had nightmares if you are wondering.  Sunday I went back to Roy and visit a friend of mine who miscarried, then went to visit Frazee and Kyndra and we watched The Lorax!  SUCH a good movie!!!  Coincidentally, this Saturday is going to be my first day volunteering with Tree Utah and I am so excited!  I am also excited to be as independant as I have always been at heart.  I am proud of myself.  I saw this quote on the internet, I don't know who wrote it but I decided to play around on paint and this was the dull, though slightly pretty, result.  This, for today, is my motto.  :)