If I'm Lost at Sea

I'm not to sure why this song impacted me so much.  I love the idea though.  Knowing that soon enough I will be off "going nowhere, but nowhere is somewhere to me."

That need to go, to flee, to run and jump, to experience and learn, meet new places, see new faces... It calls to me in .e.v.e.r.y. waking moment.

"Everyone, everywhere is taking their time but going no where,
I

can't

live

my

life

on

their

time
I just had to run away"

Everyday we wake up we go to work we go home we run our errands we get sucked into the endless soulsucking pit of the media... taking our time and going nowhere.  I can't do it.  It is as if my body physically rejects the idea.  I don't have a TV, I don't have an mp3 or an iPod, I recently had to buy a computer for school but I hated doing it.  I prefer to climb a tree and breath in the fresh air and enjoy the view from up there...

I can't live my life on their time.
I just have to run away.

"If I'm lost at sea,
Tell my mother, my father, my sisters, my brother,
My friends and my foes, and all my past lovers,
That I will miss them so.
But lord, I had to go."

Overthinking.

I am 20 years young and as I learn more I realize that Ralph W. Sockman was right when he said, "The larger the island of knowledge is, the longer the shoreline of wonder."

I'm thirsty for knowlege, wisdom, experience, adventure, adrenaline, and even more so I am hungrier to make it happen NOW.  I'm impatient.  I'm 20, it's understandable that I want to travel the world NOW, I want to start changing people's lives NOW, I want to be successful NOW.  At the same time, I want to find someone to love and love me back, NOW.  I can't though.

Time is a ball and chain.  Whats weird about time is that while it is a ball and chain slowing us down, it is also a propellant pushing us forward as moments rush past us... simultaneously.

Sometimes, being 20 years young sucks because I do not understand the concept of just HOW much time I have ahead of me.  Of course I could die at any moment and have no time left, but for the average person we have our whole lives ahead of us at 20. 

I live in Utah.  Utah is filled with Mormons.  Mormons graduate high school and get married to return missionaries and start having children.  The rest of us here in the state feel rushed and lonely because all of our old classmates and neighbors and friends are married and having children and starting their lives (more like ruining them but whatev).  We feel like we are being left behind, like we'll never find the "one".

When I find myself feeling that way sometimes I just have to remind myself that unfortunately society sucks.  We have a lot of growing to do, just because we are in Utah and everyone gets married and starts poppin' out kids right after high school doesn't mean its a smart idea, I need to be patient. I can't lower my bar just to accept more candidates in hopes I'll find him.  I need to keep my chin held high and my standards higher.

I need to pick a path.  I can't travel, and save the world, and have a stable family all once.  Those fantasies cannot coexist.  I like my two year plan.  I like the idea of re-evaluating my desires when I finish my associates. 

All in all, I need to stop overthinking and just take the advice I give.